Swine Flu
Hamageddon
Clark, Stuart
Issue date: 5/14/09 Section: Humor
I'm writing this article from an underground bunker. I have just rushed back here from attending Follies, and there's an evil presence much worse than Kip, Kipp and Vik in leotards. Not wishing to worry anyone unduly, but it turns out we are all about to die.
I heard about it the other day when, in class, fellow student Andres passed a note to me. Yes, a note - How very High School Musical!. The note contained an arrow oriented towards the sneezing guy sitting in front of us, and the text "HE'S JUST GOT BACK FROM MEXICO". It turned out, after some explanation, that there was some kind of flu virus going around, and we should all be on red alert. Good job we are passing notes around on paper, because I presume the collapse of the internet is also just around the corner.
It turns out that the original name 'Mexican Flu' is not quite correct; it just so happens the disease spread from there. Pigs are the real culprit, the cheeky swines. Their H1N1 virus jumped over to humans and is now spreading around the globe. The virus, I presume, was looking for some kind of vacation: after years of visiting the twirly tail, don't you think it deserves to see some more of the world? "Mum, Dad, I'm off... not sure when I'll see you again" so might the conversation go. At least they will all be reunited if the aforementioned pig becomes sausage, and is consumed by the host human.
Pigs, I feel, get a bit of a raw deal. Kids love their pinkish bodies and oinking; by the time those kids become adults, its as if that cute image never existed. While attitudes to eating pork vary by religion, for those who can eat it, usually do in spades. The famous mantra of 'everything can be improved with bacon' is, I think, one of the most true things I have ever heard. I digress. This article was supposed to be about swine flu, and already I am thinking about a pork chop.
The media, of course, loves a crisis. Something like swine flu is particularly enjoyable for them, because they can churn out endless speculation about what 'might' be. Science, it would appear, rarely gets a look in: officials from the CDC seemed to disappear from our screens as soon as it turned out that it maybe wasn't quite as serious as was first thought. I happened to be watching Fox Chicago's daytime news show last week; aside from being utterly trite, I was amused by the statement from one of the presenters that 'someone should get fired for this'. The 'this' was not immediately confirming that a suspected case of flu, was indeed swine flu. The presenter, almost certainly without any scientific academic merit, was clearly shooting from the hip. In his eyes, he wanted some kind of panic to ensue right there and then.
I heard about it the other day when, in class, fellow student Andres passed a note to me. Yes, a note - How very High School Musical!. The note contained an arrow oriented towards the sneezing guy sitting in front of us, and the text "HE'S JUST GOT BACK FROM MEXICO". It turned out, after some explanation, that there was some kind of flu virus going around, and we should all be on red alert. Good job we are passing notes around on paper, because I presume the collapse of the internet is also just around the corner.
It turns out that the original name 'Mexican Flu' is not quite correct; it just so happens the disease spread from there. Pigs are the real culprit, the cheeky swines. Their H1N1 virus jumped over to humans and is now spreading around the globe. The virus, I presume, was looking for some kind of vacation: after years of visiting the twirly tail, don't you think it deserves to see some more of the world? "Mum, Dad, I'm off... not sure when I'll see you again" so might the conversation go. At least they will all be reunited if the aforementioned pig becomes sausage, and is consumed by the host human.
Pigs, I feel, get a bit of a raw deal. Kids love their pinkish bodies and oinking; by the time those kids become adults, its as if that cute image never existed. While attitudes to eating pork vary by religion, for those who can eat it, usually do in spades. The famous mantra of 'everything can be improved with bacon' is, I think, one of the most true things I have ever heard. I digress. This article was supposed to be about swine flu, and already I am thinking about a pork chop.
The media, of course, loves a crisis. Something like swine flu is particularly enjoyable for them, because they can churn out endless speculation about what 'might' be. Science, it would appear, rarely gets a look in: officials from the CDC seemed to disappear from our screens as soon as it turned out that it maybe wasn't quite as serious as was first thought. I happened to be watching Fox Chicago's daytime news show last week; aside from being utterly trite, I was amused by the statement from one of the presenters that 'someone should get fired for this'. The 'this' was not immediately confirming that a suspected case of flu, was indeed swine flu. The presenter, almost certainly without any scientific academic merit, was clearly shooting from the hip. In his eyes, he wanted some kind of panic to ensue right there and then.
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