JK Just Knows
My Feel Inc.
Khalil, JK
Issue date: 5/14/09 Section: GSB News
My Feel, Inc.
There is something weird about the sun. The minute it's out, it's almost like my whole thinking process becomes partially (or totally) impaired. Things I usually think about twice or doubt… suddenly all turn into a "yes".
Barbeques at two in the afternoon - or pancake breakfasts - before midterms become a pleasant reality; back to back movies at AMC seem to just happen; waking up after six hours of sleep just to catch the sunshine although you got nothing in the morning (except maybe writing a few summer internship applications and cook a royal breakfast) become second nature. It's a bit fun to be the "Yes" man. What a mad world though - had seldom seen it in the morning. Daily races are not my thing.
At the same time, it is awkward not to know what you are heading into and where you will be in a month's time. Especially if all your life was run on a very precise long term plan for a very, very long time. Falling off the planning train into a random kind of life is very awakening. It's like waking up and realizing that all this time, you were in a dream that you had no control over. Groundhog days.
Sometimes, people ask me if I smoke, and I say no. Then they catch me with a cigarillo or a Cuban cigar - they give me the look. I don't smoke, because the definition of "smoking" in its usual social meaning doesn't apply to me. I only light cigars because they smell good - as opposed to cigarettes - and because they are a good accompaniment to single malts. I smoke cigarillos, because I love to see the leaves burn into thick smoke, so slowly, in between my fingers. It's my silent moment of command.
When you have almost no control over most of your life, there is a strange satisfaction that comes out of your ability to control, manipulate or destroy, little things. No, I am not sadistic. Humanity is. A burning cigarillo in your hand, a lonely melting ice cube in your scotch, a small white calm golf ball in the grass, the last pin standing down a bowling alley… and we can take a little further: getting a smile from the cute girl on the street, screaming your voice through man-made silence, writing your name in graffiti on a big wall - and I will let you extrapolate further; I am sure you can. Little insignificant things that make you feel in control.
There is something weird about the sun. The minute it's out, it's almost like my whole thinking process becomes partially (or totally) impaired. Things I usually think about twice or doubt… suddenly all turn into a "yes".
Barbeques at two in the afternoon - or pancake breakfasts - before midterms become a pleasant reality; back to back movies at AMC seem to just happen; waking up after six hours of sleep just to catch the sunshine although you got nothing in the morning (except maybe writing a few summer internship applications and cook a royal breakfast) become second nature. It's a bit fun to be the "Yes" man. What a mad world though - had seldom seen it in the morning. Daily races are not my thing.
At the same time, it is awkward not to know what you are heading into and where you will be in a month's time. Especially if all your life was run on a very precise long term plan for a very, very long time. Falling off the planning train into a random kind of life is very awakening. It's like waking up and realizing that all this time, you were in a dream that you had no control over. Groundhog days.
Sometimes, people ask me if I smoke, and I say no. Then they catch me with a cigarillo or a Cuban cigar - they give me the look. I don't smoke, because the definition of "smoking" in its usual social meaning doesn't apply to me. I only light cigars because they smell good - as opposed to cigarettes - and because they are a good accompaniment to single malts. I smoke cigarillos, because I love to see the leaves burn into thick smoke, so slowly, in between my fingers. It's my silent moment of command.
When you have almost no control over most of your life, there is a strange satisfaction that comes out of your ability to control, manipulate or destroy, little things. No, I am not sadistic. Humanity is. A burning cigarillo in your hand, a lonely melting ice cube in your scotch, a small white calm golf ball in the grass, the last pin standing down a bowling alley… and we can take a little further: getting a smile from the cute girl on the street, screaming your voice through man-made silence, writing your name in graffiti on a big wall - and I will let you extrapolate further; I am sure you can. Little insignificant things that make you feel in control.
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