Some GSBS
I Wake Up in the Morning and Piss Excellence
by Nate Schaefer, '07
Issue date: 4/19/07 Section: Humor
One bit of advice for the admitted ladies in particular: you should all think about bringing your kevlar cardigans with you during the first few weeks of school. The guys are aggressive and plentiful.
A tactic I suggest you try is based on a deficiency the b-school men have developed as a result of the endless hours we have worked and alcohol we have consumed. Most girls don't realize it, but b-school guys are actually legally blind and can only sense movement and heat.
So, if you ladies want to avoid getting hit on by the b-school fellas, try completely covering yourself in mud and standing still when you see one of us predators approaching you. Seriously, it totally works. We won't be able to see you. In fact, sometimes clothing has a negative chemical reaction with the mud, so the best way to ensure this works is to take off your clothing before you cover yourself in mud. And stand VERY still when you see us. Very very still.
Some other things you admitties should be on the lookout for:
If Zach Debelak asks you to join him in the Summer Garden for "a smoke", be forewarned, he has bad intentions. For him, "a smoke" means that you are game for joining him in his jello-filled kiddie pool. Let's just say the only rules are a) no running around the pool and b) pants optional.
If Matt Horsley backs you into a corner and offers you up some "career advice," immediately isolate yourself and go directly to the Center for Disease Control. He is career poison, and you may have been infected.
If Adam Snow tries to convince you he heads up SABG (the South Asian Business Group), it's a load of tandoori chicken. The kid is a liar. In fact, he founded WOWI last quarter (Whiteboys Obsessed With Indians). So far, the two of us have had only one meeting, but it was really productive. We talked about the differences between ABCDs and Desis. Next week Manu Harish is coming in to tell us why South Indians are better than North Indians.
If you admitties are being approached by second-year students, and you feel like they are really trying to rush you into getting in a relationship with them, be forewarned, this is probably due to impending Visa issues. Naomi Lynch has been seen scouting the admit boards for months looking for some lucky guy to save her from being deported.
A tactic I suggest you try is based on a deficiency the b-school men have developed as a result of the endless hours we have worked and alcohol we have consumed. Most girls don't realize it, but b-school guys are actually legally blind and can only sense movement and heat.
So, if you ladies want to avoid getting hit on by the b-school fellas, try completely covering yourself in mud and standing still when you see one of us predators approaching you. Seriously, it totally works. We won't be able to see you. In fact, sometimes clothing has a negative chemical reaction with the mud, so the best way to ensure this works is to take off your clothing before you cover yourself in mud. And stand VERY still when you see us. Very very still.
Some other things you admitties should be on the lookout for:
If Zach Debelak asks you to join him in the Summer Garden for "a smoke", be forewarned, he has bad intentions. For him, "a smoke" means that you are game for joining him in his jello-filled kiddie pool. Let's just say the only rules are a) no running around the pool and b) pants optional.
If Matt Horsley backs you into a corner and offers you up some "career advice," immediately isolate yourself and go directly to the Center for Disease Control. He is career poison, and you may have been infected.
If Adam Snow tries to convince you he heads up SABG (the South Asian Business Group), it's a load of tandoori chicken. The kid is a liar. In fact, he founded WOWI last quarter (Whiteboys Obsessed With Indians). So far, the two of us have had only one meeting, but it was really productive. We talked about the differences between ABCDs and Desis. Next week Manu Harish is coming in to tell us why South Indians are better than North Indians.
If you admitties are being approached by second-year students, and you feel like they are really trying to rush you into getting in a relationship with them, be forewarned, this is probably due to impending Visa issues. Naomi Lynch has been seen scouting the admit boards for months looking for some lucky guy to save her from being deported.
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