The Stages Of Recruiting Grief
Gloria Bae
Issue date: 2/29/04 Section: Humor
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Ah, the woes of recruiting season. I've never felt so beaten down, like a rented mule. There were those interviews where I left the room knowing I'd get dinged. Then there were others where I thought I had a pretty good shot, only to get dinged later. Dinged now, or dinged later. At this point, I've had more dings than the Liberty Bell.
My very nice interviewer at Company X graciously gave me half an hour of his time on the phone for feedback. When he told me I had been "up there" on his list of top candidates and that overall, I had interviewed really well, I thought back to the original "Bachelorette," when Trista told Bachelor Bob that if she had had a fifth rose, she would have given it to him. But instead, I had to pack my bags and move out of the bachelor pad.
Subsequently, I went through the five stages of grief, starting with Denial. Was it possible that there had been a mistake? Maybe a company had called my cell phone with an offer and Verizon didn't record the voicemail due to a technical failure. Or maybe the person calling to deliver the good news was dyslexic and dialed the wrong number and left an offer message on someone else's phone?
Anger. Then came the official denial emails, so tactfully written and personally addressed to "dear applicant." Hmph! Forget it, I don't want a crappy old job anyway. I'll just be a stay-at-home mom! Ha! I'll show them! They won't be able to pay me enough to take their jobs!
Bargaining. Although I'm not religious, I found myself attempting to communicate with God, much like the heroine in "Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret." God, if you just let me get an offer, any offer, I promise never to make fun of people again. Nor will I ever cut anyone off while driving. I'll floss every night and do 100 hours of community service.
Depression. Let's just say there were a lot of late night trips to Dominick's, where I stocked up on candy bars, cookies, and Cheetos. Then proceeded to scarf it all down while watching really bad TV, such as the E! True Hollywood Story on Carmen Electra and that "Glitter" movie starring Mariah Carey. I actually got kind of verklempt when her boyfriend in the movie got shot, just because I thought he was cute.
My very nice interviewer at Company X graciously gave me half an hour of his time on the phone for feedback. When he told me I had been "up there" on his list of top candidates and that overall, I had interviewed really well, I thought back to the original "Bachelorette," when Trista told Bachelor Bob that if she had had a fifth rose, she would have given it to him. But instead, I had to pack my bags and move out of the bachelor pad.
Subsequently, I went through the five stages of grief, starting with Denial. Was it possible that there had been a mistake? Maybe a company had called my cell phone with an offer and Verizon didn't record the voicemail due to a technical failure. Or maybe the person calling to deliver the good news was dyslexic and dialed the wrong number and left an offer message on someone else's phone?
Anger. Then came the official denial emails, so tactfully written and personally addressed to "dear applicant." Hmph! Forget it, I don't want a crappy old job anyway. I'll just be a stay-at-home mom! Ha! I'll show them! They won't be able to pay me enough to take their jobs!
Bargaining. Although I'm not religious, I found myself attempting to communicate with God, much like the heroine in "Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret." God, if you just let me get an offer, any offer, I promise never to make fun of people again. Nor will I ever cut anyone off while driving. I'll floss every night and do 100 hours of community service.
Depression. Let's just say there were a lot of late night trips to Dominick's, where I stocked up on candy bars, cookies, and Cheetos. Then proceeded to scarf it all down while watching really bad TV, such as the E! True Hollywood Story on Carmen Electra and that "Glitter" movie starring Mariah Carey. I actually got kind of verklempt when her boyfriend in the movie got shot, just because I thought he was cute.