In Defense Of STDs
The clever innovation of Secret Training Devices in the GSB
Apurv Jain
Issue date: 2/29/04 Section: Humor
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A fellow student came out of Gargoyle cafe mumbling "Decimal fraud" and I saw yet another colleague sweating profusely while dragging a huge bag of money. Slightly puzzled, knowing that our tuition fee was not due untill late in the quarter, I asked about the bag. "Need to buy a sandwich AND some candy" he explained darkly as he went into the Gargoyle Caf to give up his life's savings in the worthy cause of food - a man must eat.
I walk on and witness the following dialogue between two people: a normal student eating his dollar bills and another crazy creature watching him. The other creature is the one referred to as the salivating student on weird diet (SOWD),
SOWD: Dude what kind of a diet is eating a dollar bill?
Eating Student: Hmm... Tastes so much better with salt. So diet- hahaha.
SOWD: Not Atkins???
Eating Student: No, not the ATKINS! Dude, this is an innovation.
SOWD: Yea right, eating money is an innovation. How?
Eating Student: Dude this is the save money diet. These bills are more filling and cheaper than the caf food. In fact, once you get used to it they actually they taste pretty good, especially with just a tad of salt. Weep and REPENT, you %#^#^#^ monster caf.
He screamed as he ate yet another dollar bill and downed it with a nickel for dessert.
I walked on and saw yet another previously sane classmate caressing his twenty dollar bill much too affectionately and singing a lullaby:
"Precious precious precious money,
don't worry honey
daddy won't purport
to support
the third world economy
The bloody cashier's register
At the cafe
Won't get you babe
Daddy LOVES You"
He ended the song by kissing the dollar bill while weeping fervently. And so on- it was a nice normal day in Cox lounge. Of course my editor had other thoughts.
Screamed my worthy editor as he kicked me on to an assignment, "Students eat money and act crazy, you investigate."
I walk on and witness the following dialogue between two people: a normal student eating his dollar bills and another crazy creature watching him. The other creature is the one referred to as the salivating student on weird diet (SOWD),
SOWD: Dude what kind of a diet is eating a dollar bill?
Eating Student: Hmm... Tastes so much better with salt. So diet- hahaha.
SOWD: Not Atkins???
Eating Student: No, not the ATKINS! Dude, this is an innovation.
SOWD: Yea right, eating money is an innovation. How?
Eating Student: Dude this is the save money diet. These bills are more filling and cheaper than the caf food. In fact, once you get used to it they actually they taste pretty good, especially with just a tad of salt. Weep and REPENT, you %#^#^#^ monster caf.
He screamed as he ate yet another dollar bill and downed it with a nickel for dessert.
I walked on and saw yet another previously sane classmate caressing his twenty dollar bill much too affectionately and singing a lullaby:
"Precious precious precious money,
don't worry honey
daddy won't purport
to support
the third world economy
The bloody cashier's register
At the cafe
Won't get you babe
Daddy LOVES You"
He ended the song by kissing the dollar bill while weeping fervently. And so on- it was a nice normal day in Cox lounge. Of course my editor had other thoughts.
Screamed my worthy editor as he kicked me on to an assignment, "Students eat money and act crazy, you investigate."