When Funniness Kills
Mr. Community's Humor Turns Deadly
Jeff Craitenberger & Jon Mollenhauer
Issue date: 4/2/01 Section: GSB News
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Under increasing pressure from the Editors of Chicago Business, writer Mike Terpstra increased the humor intensity of his 'Mr. Community' column to laughtastic new levels in the last issue of the paper. Already regarded as the "funniest column in the world" by a majority of the business school students on campus, the startling and seemingly impossible boost in hilarity brought Terptsra's column to a dangerously funny level by rehashing every side-splitting bit that he had extracted from his rectum throughout the year. Currently, the BSA or BCG or GBC or whatever the hell our student government is calling themselves these days, has not been able to obtain a restraining order to limit Mr. Terpstra's giggle-licious output, so a column from him may well appear in this issue. BEWARE!
"I was just trying to lighten things up a bit around this place," said Terpstra in a Chicago Business exclusive interview last week. "There are so many students here that are boneheads and lame-asses. They think that the GSB is nothing but one big academic slugfest, like mud wrestling with Sam Peltzman. Oh, and Bobby paid me. It's true what they say, you know—Hamada does equal fun." Hamada was unavailable for comment on the allegations of payola or on his current status as the reigning DJ on Chicago's acid rock station, WANK.
In the alleged article, Terpstra masterfully resurrected his 'GSB Boneheads', 'GSB Lame-Asses', and 'Goolsbee is Satan' bits into one laughalicious cornucopia of humor. In fact, the column caused a number of cases of anyphalaghtic shock, even among Terptsra's most hardened readers. By patching all of his standard segments together with his patented 'Jaded Second-Year' patter, Terpstra assured violently humorific responses from his audience. Chicago Business has not yet been able to determine if Mr. Terpstra intended to harm his readers; he claims that he is innocent of malicious intent.
"The Editors of Chicago Business never intended for this to go that far," said co-chair Ryan McGlothlin. "We simply asked Mr. Terpstra to, you know, jazz it up a little since the first-years are a bunch of humorless bastards." As a result of his careless disposition of humor, the GSB is facing several lawsuits from both current and prospective students alleging busted nuts and laughed-off asses. "We're trying to control the situation while we consider disciplinary action against Mr. Terpstra," said Dean Z, "aww, who the fu#@ cares. I'm outta here in three months anyway." DJ Hamada-san remained unavailable for further comment.
Terpstra's chuckle-licious musings drew violent responses from members of the student body. "I convulsed with laughter after reading only the 'Girls Gone Wild' part," said first-year Vivian Lee. "The article was probably responsible for much of the internal bleeding I suffered that day. My lawyer won't allow me to say any more." "There should be laws against people like Terpstra," opined second-year John Carson. "The surgery I needed after reading that darn column made me miss DJ Hamada's 'Leather & Lace' show at the Manhole. Terpstra's humor is like a loaded gun, except the Second Amendment doesn't protect it."
As we went to press, the situation remained unresolved. Legal action initiated by the BSJGCBA called for Mr. Terpstra to personally apologize to those who have suffered because of his article. But Terpstra is adamant, "Maybe I'll personally apologize to some of the GSB ladies I offended. But the rest of you can kiss my big fat hairy ass."
"I was just trying to lighten things up a bit around this place," said Terpstra in a Chicago Business exclusive interview last week. "There are so many students here that are boneheads and lame-asses. They think that the GSB is nothing but one big academic slugfest, like mud wrestling with Sam Peltzman. Oh, and Bobby paid me. It's true what they say, you know—Hamada does equal fun." Hamada was unavailable for comment on the allegations of payola or on his current status as the reigning DJ on Chicago's acid rock station, WANK.
In the alleged article, Terpstra masterfully resurrected his 'GSB Boneheads', 'GSB Lame-Asses', and 'Goolsbee is Satan' bits into one laughalicious cornucopia of humor. In fact, the column caused a number of cases of anyphalaghtic shock, even among Terptsra's most hardened readers. By patching all of his standard segments together with his patented 'Jaded Second-Year' patter, Terpstra assured violently humorific responses from his audience. Chicago Business has not yet been able to determine if Mr. Terpstra intended to harm his readers; he claims that he is innocent of malicious intent.
"The Editors of Chicago Business never intended for this to go that far," said co-chair Ryan McGlothlin. "We simply asked Mr. Terpstra to, you know, jazz it up a little since the first-years are a bunch of humorless bastards." As a result of his careless disposition of humor, the GSB is facing several lawsuits from both current and prospective students alleging busted nuts and laughed-off asses. "We're trying to control the situation while we consider disciplinary action against Mr. Terpstra," said Dean Z, "aww, who the fu#@ cares. I'm outta here in three months anyway." DJ Hamada-san remained unavailable for further comment.
Terpstra's chuckle-licious musings drew violent responses from members of the student body. "I convulsed with laughter after reading only the 'Girls Gone Wild' part," said first-year Vivian Lee. "The article was probably responsible for much of the internal bleeding I suffered that day. My lawyer won't allow me to say any more." "There should be laws against people like Terpstra," opined second-year John Carson. "The surgery I needed after reading that darn column made me miss DJ Hamada's 'Leather & Lace' show at the Manhole. Terpstra's humor is like a loaded gun, except the Second Amendment doesn't protect it."
As we went to press, the situation remained unresolved. Legal action initiated by the BSJGCBA called for Mr. Terpstra to personally apologize to those who have suffered because of his article. But Terpstra is adamant, "Maybe I'll personally apologize to some of the GSB ladies I offended. But the rest of you can kiss my big fat hairy ass."